There once was a boy who loved Christmas so,

But an answer to a question he really must know,

He wrote a letter to the bloke with the long beard,

“Dear Santa” said he “there is something i’ve heard,

They say you ride your sleigh through the skies,

And squeeze down our chimneys to eat our mince pies,

Well Santa please help me for I must ask,

How on earth do you fit down those chimney stacks?

I did just see you last week at the garden centre,

And your middle was wide, that’s what I remember,

I worry about our log burner - the flue is only 9 inch,

And surely that must be tight and your belly must pinch?

So to save you some trouble I’ve left you a key,

You can find it by the shed under the potted fir tree.